What a title to a blog post right? Well that pretty much sums up my week last week. As a Health Care professional I am a firm believer in the Full Moon effect on man kind and last week did not disappoint.
I am doing something today that I have always been afraid to do. I am posting a blog post in the raw. No editing. No going over it 10 times. Not obsessing over if it’s not perfect enough or I overshared in a vulnerable state. I am just going to write. Post. And move on. YIKES.
Because I am tired of allowing the fear & voices in my head that constantly tell me I am not enough to win. I am tired of the voice of perfectionism to tell me who I should or shouldn’t be.
Last week through a connect group I am involved in with my church, called Journey of Growth, we created a vision board. I had never created one before and if you have never done one, I highly recommend it. I have shared mine below. I can’t tell you what it did for me to not only see my vision board, but to see other ladies vision boards, to hear their stories, their dreams, their passions. It reignited something in me. I look forward to doing one every 6 months.
In the same week that I got pumped about my vision and our future, I also broke a crown on my tooth. And for the first time in my 37 years of life I had an allergic reaction to something I ingested. This in turn caused this super fun itchy rash to break out all over my face, arms, torso, back, legs. Food allergies are a real thing y’all. Who knows what I ate to cause it (well I kind of have an idea) but I am now on day 4 of prednisone, Zyrtec & Benadryl and hoping this mess goes away soon.
So why am I telling you all this? Because last week there was a change in me. Every morning I read my Bible then sit there and try to apply it to my daily life. I probably was in a state of feeling sorry for myself. Frustrated at different situations. Mad that my face looked like a teenager with raging acne. And God dropped the thought in my mind, you know if you stopped complaining so much, things might look a little better.
Are you talking to me God? I am not complaining just voicing loudly over and over my contempt at things. Ok fine. I have had a bad attitude lately. Not only have I had a bad attitude, but I have allowed a lot of comparison to creep in & I have allowed fears to dictate to me who I thought I should or shouldn’t be and use them as excuses to why I can’t be doing what I really want to be doing. OUCH.
It’s so easy to get scared of all the moving parts and what might be required of me and how much I don’t know. Rather then focusing on the next step right in front of me.
I had allowed comparisons of my life to others to start to form how I viewed myself, talked to myself and thought about myself. I’m not saying it’s bad to sometimes have a healthy competition but everyone’s journey is so different. What may be your goals are not mine and vice versa. Comparison kills. Period.
Some thoughts running through my head were along the following lines….
“It feels like we are never going to get out of debt as fast as XYZ family because this crown is going to cost me almost $500 and I just had to spend $100 at the MD and on meds.”
“I am never going to be thin enough like So and So because they don’t the issues I have. They have it so easy. They can eat whatever they want and never gain weight.”
“I am always behind at work because I have an unfair work load.”
“I can’t find time to __________ (fill in the blank) because my life is too crazy.”
“Everyone else has better deeper friendships than me.”
The reality? We are getting out of debt. Life has just happened. Yes it is a minor set back, but in the grand scheme of things, we are still making progress. Getting healthy and staying healthy is a LIFE LONG journey. What may work for you doesn’t work for me and vice versa. Work is always going to be there, you just cannot allow it to dictate your happiness. You have to set boundaries between what you are capable of and what you allow others dictate to you. Making time for what I want to accomplish (exercise, writing, etc.) is about me making it a priority for me. Cultivating friendships takes work & time.
Last week what I did is find one situation I seemed to be fixated on how unfair it was becoming and to thank God for that situation. I began to think about the people involved and pray for them. Realizing its really not as bad as I was creating the situation to be in my mind. I felt peace. I felt inner calmness. I no longer felt this tug of war inside. I let it go.
So I ask you, what is one thought you can change this week that will help you to re-write the story you are telling yourself?
Have a great week Y’all!!!
Love the vulnerability. We all have them and many see ourselves in what you have written, so thanks for that. You are a tremendous friend anyone would be blessed to have! Its not the number of friends it’s the depth of the friendship. LOVE your board.
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Thanks! I agree especially the older I get that it is not the number of friends but the depth of the friendship. And I am thankful that you are one of my friends. Love you much!
As Pogo once said, ” We have met the enemy and he is us.” Pogo was a cartoon character back in my childhood and had some profound insights for a possum. When we are able to respond to life’s problems with hope/thankfulness rather that react with fear/anger we have come a long way on our journey for contentment.
Enjoyed the post.
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Thanks Dad. Will have to look up the Pogo character!